Long Distance Relationships: A How To Guide (Kind of)

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When I tell people that my significant other and I are doing long distance for at least 4 years while he is in dental school and I am in medical school, the typical responses are: "Oh my gosh! That sounds so hard!" or "Wow! I don't think I could do that..." or "That sounds really difficult, but if your relationship can withstand this then it can withstand anything." The truth is: It is really hard. And if you have to do it, you can, in fact, do it. And sometimes the things that would normally be no big deal for a same-city couple might very well knock down a long distance couple. So far, we've done 3.5 years of living 333 miles apart. I kept my hopes resting on the idea that May 10, 2015 (his graduation date) would be the end of this annoying distance...but alas, it seems there are no guarantees in the world of residency matching. And so the very real prospect of another 3 years of long distance looms ahead. And as tempted as I am to throw a 1-year-old-style temper tantrum and chuck the whole thing out of the window of a speeding car-- I can't. (Full disclosure: I have already thrown the aforementioned tantrum). As several dear friends put it, 'how do you give up the person you know you're supposed to be with because of complicated logistics and inconvenient geography?' And to this, I have no logical answer except that 'you don't.' Instead I have compiled a list of things that helped me survive the last 3.5 years... and possibly the next 3. If you or someone you know is faced with having to do long distance, I hope this helps!

1. FaceTime: Usually this devolves into a contest of who can make the silliest faces

2. Audio Books: These are almost necessary to make the boring trips across The Plains pass by quickly. My favorites over the years have been #1. Bossy Pants, #2. Middlesex, #3. Anything by David Sedaris, #4. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me & Other Concerns, #5. The Stieg Larsson Millennium Trilogy, #6. The Kite Runner, #7. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, #8. The Fault in Our Stars,  #9. Bringing Up Bebe, and #10. The Harry Potter series read by Jim Dale

3. This American Life podcasts & Snap Judgement podcasts: See #2. Simply stated, these are wonderful AND free!! Great for when the library is out of the audiobooks you've been wanting or you can't pay $20 to buy an audiobook.

4. Working Out "together": We loved working out together when we were a same-city couple, but it's hard to keep each other motivated to workout when we're apart. We text each other as soon as we're done with our workouts each day and encourage each other with a 'congrats!' or 'good job, babe!' Also, we have a sort of penalty system going for missing workouts: I must donate $5 to the NRA Institute for Legislative Action and Ry must support fame hungry, albeit entertaining, dregs of society by buying me an episode of the Real Housewives on Amazon Prime. If you know either of us, you'll know just how punitive (and thus motivating) these conditions are.

5. Safe Cars w/ good mileage: If it's at all an option, driving a car with good fuel economy really helps! It gets you to your destination faster and cheaper than a guzzler. At the same time, driving a Smartcar at 80 miles an hour on a highway for 5 hours does not exactly reassure loved ones of your safety-- remember that safety is still the most important thing.

6. A Southwest Credit Card: We don't fly to see each other much ever since the direct route got cancelled, but this credit card is amazing! You get 2 free roundtrip tickets when you sign up and it's pretty easy to continue to rack up more free flights just by using it for daily expenses. Even if we don't use the free flights to fly to Oklahoma or Kansas City, we can use them to go somewhere different and fun together.

7. A Supportive Network of Friends and Family: This is by far the most important tool in your LDR survival kit. Being in a LDR means A LOT of time alone, which inevitably leads to feeling lonely. We've each leaned on our friends a ton to keep those feelings of loneliness at bay. Make it a point to make plans with your local friends and spend time with your family. Go out! Start a new hobby! Don't put your life on hold because you're apart. Being individually happy makes your relationship a lot stronger and healthier. When you are in the same city, hang out with each others' friends. It's great that I can call Ry's friends my own friends too and vice versa.

I'm currently visiting Ry on one of my rare breaks from school. We love to cook together when we can. With Autumn occasionally peaking through the 80 degree weather we're having in September, I decided to make something delicious with one of my favorites-- butternut squash. I'm extremely impressed with the richness of this dish considering the fact that unlike most butternut squash recipes, this one is not swimming in heavy cream or butter! It's very easy to make...and easy to make disappear as well :-) We ate this for dinner last night next to some smoked chicken Ry's parents whipped up in their Green Egg.

KiwiConfections Butternut Squash Pasta

With Crispy Sage and Bacon

Serves 5

4 Slices No or Low Nitrate Bacon, finely chopped

1 ½  Tablespoons finely chopped fresh sage

1 2-lb. butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cut into ½” pieces

2 large scallions, finely chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped

Kosher salt and ground black pepper

2 cups low-sodium chicken broth

12 oz. linguine

¼ cup grated Pecorino, plus some shaved Pecorino for serving

1. Heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add bacon, and reduce heat if necessary. Cook until crisp, 3-5 minutes.
2. Using a slotted spoon, remove the bacon onto a paper towel. Discard 80% of the bacon grease.
3. Add the chopped sage to the skillet and toss to crisp it up in the remaining bacon fat. Use the slotted spoon to transfer the sage out of the pan and onto the paper towel with bacon.
4. Add squash, onion, and garlic to skillet; season the mixture with 1 teaspoon each of salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, for 7–9 minutes.
   
5. Add chicken broth. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer until squash is soft and liquid is reduced by half, 15–20 minutes.
6. Turn the stove off and let cool slightly. Once slightly cooled, pour the squash (with all the liquid) into the blender. Keep the skillet—you’ll use it again soon.
7. Purée until smooth; season with salt and pepper to taste.
8. Cook pasta in a large pot of boiling water until al dente. Drain, reserving 1 cup of the pasta cooking liquid.
9. Combine pasta, squash purée, and ½ cup of the pasta cooking liquid in the skillet and cook over low-medium heat, tossing and adding more pasta cooking liquid as needed, until sauce coats pasta, about 2 minutes.
10. Mix in ¼ cup grated Pecorino, bacon, and sage.
11. Serve pasta topped with shaved Pecorino.

Recipe Adapted from Bon Appetite

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